Maslow Was Right

I hate it when people are right when I don't want them to be. Makes me feel pathetic and frustrated.

For those of you who are wondering who the hell is Maslow? Maslow was the man yo.

Abraham Harold Maslow (April 1, 1908 – June 8, 1970) was a professor of psychology at Brandeis University who founded humanistic psychology and created Maslow's hierarchy of needs.^[1]

Maslow's Hierarchy Of Needs is a subtopic in the subject MANAGEMENT I took in my second semester here. This dude, came up with a diagram depicting the basic human needs and their levels of attainment in one's life. He states that all humans need, first and most importantly, food, water, air, clothes, shelter and all those basic survival needs. These needs are the basic needs of human life, known as Physiological Needs, and is at the base of the pyramid because without it, one cannot survive, and thus struggle to satisfy those needs before any other.

Once physiological needs are satisfied, humans need to feel safe and secure. Can you live comfortably in a place that gets shot up everyday by drive-bys? Can you work at some place where your co-workers are psycho killers? Yeah, that's what Maslow was trying to say when he said humans need to satisfy safety needs after getting enough food, water and so on. Humans needs to find safe places to live, safe environments for themselves and family, secure work that does not endanger its workers one way or another.

With house and job secure, humans then realize another level of needs. Social needs. As humans, it is our biology to need affiliation, a sense of belonging, and love. We need family, friends, reference groups, spouses, soul mates. Even the grumpiest of all grumpy lonely people, has a pet dog, or bird. We can't avoid it, we humans need something to get emotionally attached to whether we like it or not.

Further up the pyramid, we have self-esteem needs like getting a high position at work, searching for recognition for excellence, seeking fame and fortune, anything related to making oneself feel good about themselves.

And at the top, the need that humans often find much much later in their lives, self-actualization needs. Its about people realizing their full potential, their true calling, who they really want to be, doing what they really want to in life, finding their meaning and purpose in life.

That ends the lil MANAGEMENT tutorial, which brings me to the purpose of this entry today. It sucks knowing I need a social life. Its frustrating knowing I need friends. Its depressing knowing I need a sense of belonging. Sometimes I feel i don't want all that. It just leads to unmet expectations, and disappointments. But at the end of the day, I lie in bed wanting to talk to someone about my day or at least have something interesting to talk about. Maslow was right, all humans NEED a SOCIAL LIFE.

I just feel very frustrated that lately (or more accurately, most of my life here in Penang) I don't have a social life. I've been finding myself alone a lot, completely ignorant to anything that does not have direct contact with me. I feel the urge to get out and seek company, have a drink with friends, enjoy laughing with people over dinner, but I don't get that. I know I have that urge but I don't know why I can't seem to do anything about it. My friends here say, anything just message or call, but I can't bring myself to do so, out of worry about how they may react when I suddenly ask them out for dinner out of the blue. There was this one time, I decided to have dinner with my friends here. I texted them inviting them all for dinner at a nearby stall. They replied "ada apa2 ke nak dinner 2gether?" ("is there any reason why we're having dinner together?") sigh. Must there be a reason for guy to fulfill his social needs for friends and sense of belonging?

I feel rather sad and left out knowing its easy for them to meet up and have meals together because they live together and quite near to each other. Even where I stay becomes a minor obstacle to having a social life, the same way it applies to me back in KL. My friends are in Seputeh, Ampang, other sides of KL, and I'm in Serdang, the far edge of the city. Its way easier for them to meet up cos they're nearer to anywhere fun, and they can get around easily, they got transport. I'm always living far away from a stable social life, and I can't even drive to save my life yet. Joy.

Factors out of my control aside, I resort to other means to reach out. Still disappointing.

Facebook or MSN? No personal laptop. Going online for pleasure at my own free will is a rare commodity in my circumstances. Thus leading to being left behind and left out in the latest issues among the people in my community. Not knowing jackshit about what's going on with these people I call friends. Even if I do eventually find out, its already decomposing by the time I hear about it.

Texting or calling? I often attempt to create nice conversations through sms. Sometimes I get nice conversations, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I don't expect any replies, sometimes I do (and get disappointed when the replies don't come). Overall, texting gives me only 50-50 chance of havin a stable social life. Not reliable enough.

Blogging? (Iylia grins widely) Seems to be the only means for self expression that hasn't let me down. No expectations, no worry on how it may respond, if i don't like something I can just delete, and also, seems like there are loyal readers who still frequent my blog, which puts a smile on my face every time. Thank you viewers (however few you may be). Blogging even helps me connect with other friends that blog (although it does still require internet connection, but its not barred until 5pm on campus computers. sheash). You know who you are.

And lastly, on my lucky days (which aren't that much anyway), I do occasionally get invitations to hang out (YEAY! I have a lil bit of social life!). Those few times I get to hang out do mean a lot to me and usually make my week. Sometimes even my month. You guys have no idea. Sad isn't? With all that being said, it can be concluded, my social life is rather pathetic. I have no one to blame but myself. Too high expectations, too concerned what others think, too lazy to get out more, too stubborn to move to a place nearer to these people I call friends.

I once confided in my friend about my feelings of being left out. She said there's a reason for everything. I couldn't agree more. I have academic and co-curricular success, but no social life. They've got loads of social life and fun, normal student performance. God is fair I guess. But I always want the best of both. Can't I have the best of both? What does it take? Sigh. Will I ever get that small group of friends I see on Dawson's Creek? The O.C? One Tree Hill? FRIENDS? For me, it seems like a never ending search. To those close enough to me, know this, I appreciate you guys. I love you guys. I guess I just gotta lower my expectations, and be more active in my pursuit for a social life.